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Baby, you should turn on the Red Army Choir’s “Sex Bomb” cover

Let’s get this out of the way up front: Nobody, not even the erotic titan Sir Tom Jones OBE himself, can pull off a performance of “Sex Bomb” without looking hilarious in the process. That said, a recently resurfaced version of the song from Russia’s Red Army Choir and MVD Ensemble takes Jones’ militaristic ode to banging to a level of (thematically appropriate) absurdity that’s stunning to behold.

The performance, shared by Olivia Giovetti on Twitter, is a constantly escalating display of ridiculousness. Dozens of the nations most talented musicians are shown gathered together to perform Tom Jones’ late ‘90s hit in formal military dress. They’re led by a star soloist with an impressive mane of hair—a sort of Slavic Rex Manning. He moves through the verses with perfect confidence, nodding along to the beat and leaning forward at the waist to gesture at an audience of soldiers and dancing people in evening wear. Each chorus arrives with a booming echo. “Sex bomb, sex bomb, you’re my sex bomb,” the choir announces in an authoritative wave of deep bass voices.

The soloist unleashes his emotions a few verses in, throwing his head back dramatically as he yells “I can give it to you any time because you’re mine!” like these are the most important words he’s ever spoken. Then, just as he finishes, the band takes a few bars on its own, giving space for a large man to sashay out to center stage. This man wiggles and shuffles around, thrusts his groin in time to the beat, then finishes his performance by jumping in a circle and grabbing a hold of his wobbly hat. The full force of the choir returns to carry the song to the end.

As the last notes fade out, we’re left exhausted but content, secure in the knowledge that there will never be a “Sex Bomb” performance that can top what we’ve just seen.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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